On Borat! on Daisuke! on Rumsfeld and Patrick!
Greetings, friends, of all persuasion,
Color, creed, denomination.
No border fences put up here
In decking halls with season's cheer.
'Tis Christmas, true, and merry to ya,
But cue a chorus of Hallelujah
For all and sundry revelers
From this old house to you and yours.
It's been six years since we began a
Habit of this year-end stanza
Jotted down amid the wrapping,
Shopping, schlepping, typing, napping
Going on nonstop around us
Up until the dawn of Christmas
When we, like you, pause to take in
The wonder of the year that's been.
As we wonder, ponder how
We staggered here from then to now
YouTubed, MySpaced, "Lost," adrift,
Sorting truth from truthiness.
Borat? Seemed legit to us.
Balco-gate? Yo, what's the fuss?
Mel G's meltdown, Kerry's gaffe,
Cruise unglued -- you had to laugh.
Pluto's out, and so is Rummy.
No one bought "O.J. for Dummies."
Al Gore's movie? Huge buzzkill.
US pop. tops three hundred mil.
Shrinking icecaps, hybrid cars,
Sinking coastlines, oxygen bars.
Note to Santa on this yule:
Convert sleigh rig to biofuel.
It's party time, though, doff your wraps,
Grab a double shot of schnapps,
And toast the swells at our soiree
Like Kinky Friedman, Rachael Ray,
Keke Palmer, Daniel Craig,
George Carlin, and Flavor Flav.
A round, too, please, for Taylor Hicks
And photog Annie Leibovitz.
Salud, Deval, here's looking at ya.
Kanpai, Daisuke Matsuzaka.
Emmitt Smith, your twinkle toes
Are brighter than old Rudolph's nose.
Bottoms up to Gloria Larson,
Eddie Murphy, Tucker Carlson ,
Helen Mirren , Audrey Tautou,
Rascal Flatts, and Djimon Hounsou.
Next for your consideration
Words of season's salutation
For Eugene Levy , Tony Snow ,
Akon , E.L. Doctorow,
Cate Blanchett, Tenacious D,
Jill Medvedow, and Stan Lee.
4Peace, let's go a-carolin'
And stop to serenade Bom Kim
Then pick up Gary LaPierre
Plus anyone left sitting there --
Parker Posey, Thomas Ricks,
Nelly Furtado, Coco Crisp --
And lead them all in getting down
With Michael Mann and Ayla Brown,
Miley Cyrus, Logan Mankins,
Snow Patrol, and Henry Jenkins.
In unwrapping these last presents.
The deeper message here conveyed
Transcends this single holiday.
It's not the price tag, it's the thought.
Not the trappings, nor what's bought.
So, friends, until our next year's meeting:
Peace on earth and season's greetings.
JOSEPH P. KAHN
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